I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
