If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if only i could text you this smell
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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