I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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