That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
