he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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