The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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