Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
