dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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