So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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