Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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