Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
