I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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