Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
