Betty ford says i'm here all night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
