tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
