i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
