I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
