It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
