Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the day after is always just damage control
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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