are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Randomize
