from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
