did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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