I didn't shave. On purpose
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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