someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
