You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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