Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
