I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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