just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
