Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
