how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
