your thong is hanging out like whoa
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
