Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
