We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
