I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
