I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
