M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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