i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I stole a fireplace last night.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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