You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
