Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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