i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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