I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
