she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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