don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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