I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
