Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
