totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
