Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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