when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
