My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
