chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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