So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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