I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
