i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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