I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
