I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
