put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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