Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
