I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
