i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
